about me
2020: spreading inspiration
I started sharing my experiences on social media, where I unexpectedly found a community of like-minded people.
my open sharing of personal transformation touched the hearts of many, and I realized that my story could help other women
2020: I published my first journal
my first journal, "love yourself and plan" became a tool that helps women discover their inner strength and live authentically. it became not only a book, but also a movement that invites women to deeper self-knowledge and a more fulfilling life
first notebook
after returning from a vacation in Egypt, I felt a pain in my groin. it began a year and a half journey through hospitals and surgeries. I was so close to death... that the only thing I could do was pray to survive
after the last, fourth, operation, I made a fateful decision - to be myself 100%. wherever I am - not to deceive myself
I have always been shy
I was always very shy with people. many people thought I was shy because I didn't socialize with many people. although I was simply afraid to be myself. I thought I would be rejected. maybe I would be made fun of again. therefore, I closed myself off from any closer connection with the class. I didn't know how to approach, although deep down I wanted to be accepted. I was an elder for many years, it was my way of being closer to people
learning has always been the main force that pushed me forward
I tried to study, although I was never a schoolgirl - studying has led me and continues to lead me forward more than anything else in my life
so I had a very deep conviction that I had to be a scientist. after school I entered high-tech physics and business. I wanted to learn and study physics (I thought that was the only way I would be able to live a full life, that was the only way I would live up to some image of myself)
I had no idea about finance, so I didn't work, but I studied, studied, and studied again. higher mathematics was like shelling pistachios for me (easy to understand, although there were times when I had to grit my teeth a little more to understand the topic)
minus 20kg
there was always sport around me, until one day I decided: that's it. I was tired of looking like this, I had reached my highest weight in my life – 84 kg. I told myself that I was preparing for a fitness competition. from the new year until the end of September I lost 20 kg. there was also a grueling diet, constant studies, various projects and mini-businesses (which were unsuccessful because I didn't have the energy to develop them)
the road to depression
I get up at four, study, go to training, eat tasteless food. day after day until the competition. after the competition - something else happened. depression. I couldn't even put on pants. I couldn't even brush my teeth or wash my face. everything - femininity, my favorite activities for myself and for myself - lost their meaning during that period
because one side of me, the feminine one, which wants pleasure, which wants self-love, which wants beauty, goodness – simply disappeared, or rather, I deleted it from my life (because it's so unproductive)
I went to the "summer" hospital
since therapy was no stranger to me, I didn't wait long to see a psychologist. I worked with her for a month, we tried to make arrangements so that I could get back into the rhythm, try to brush my teeth, take care of myself. but I was getting worse and worse. panic attacks and the desire to disappear. I went to a psychiatrist. after a consultation, they diagnosed me with depression and somehow miraculously I got a place in a "summer" hospital. I stayed there for a month. after that, I had therapy, antidepressants, tranquilizers...
for a woman - this is a direct path to self-destruction
in 2021, I already knew what it means to not accept myself and my life, I knew what it means to ignore my femininity and act only out of discipline
new stage
I started studying international business at Vilnius University. finally, a brave decision for who I am. finally, I thought that I would do and study what I want, how I want. not long after, after a vacation in Egypt, other health problems started
I met the year of 2023 at Vilnius Lazdynai hospital
I watched the fireworks from the solitary ward near the TV tower. all alone. in pain. with blood infection (sepsis), pneumonia, streptococcus (an infection in the joint that eats away the joint). the doctors didn't know what to do or how to help me. but a couple of days later I had my first hip surgery. they cleaned the joint
then my body started to accumulate fluids so much that I started to swell up. fingers, legs, stomach – there was water everywhere. the only thing I wanted was to survive. to feel stronger. to recover. the doctors didn't say at first that I was very close to death. after the second operation, because the infection returned, my joint was already damaged. after that I couldn't walk. I sacrificed my youth to bed and recovery, rehabilitation
return to oneself
I returned to Panevėžys to my parents. they wheeled me around, I learned to walk with crutches, then without them, holding on to a wall. until one day I decided that I could walk well enough – I packed my things and went back to Vilnius. my parents, family and everyone around me tried to stop me, because I could barely walk. I could only walk for five minutes before the pain was too great
the operated left side always reminds me - my feminine side
that I have to protect my femininity. I wanted to go back to work so much that I went and worked. As a financial consultant, I was learning, studying (as I knew at the beginning that I wouldn't be able to attend lectures - my studies were on a sessional schedule, where they were held remotely)
I experienced a lot of shame and despair at all moments
ashamed of the way I looked, because not only could I not walk straight, but my leg was also shorter. The braces had created a gap between my front teeth, even though there had never been one
Life has beaten me so much that I could accept myself and love myself for who I am. To become what I want to be
so, even though I was in pain, I attended events, tried to live, dress up, and went on dates with myself
another dream of mine has failed
I was always left without finances. I brought a cropped (ears and tail cropped) Doberman from abroad. he got an ear infection - all my savings went to his treatment, and I had nothing to live on. I had to give him to a shelter. another dream of mine collapsed. the whole internet wrote about it, it was so painful
but I didn't stop - I started actively looking for a job and got one. at that time, I realized how good a salesperson I could be, but life gave me challenges again
stubbornness and perseverance everywhere
the stubbornness and perseverance that have accompanied me since childhood have become my lifeline. I realized that I no longer want to limp, feeling pain while sitting in a chair
I wanted to walk straight and level. so, I visited the doctor who operated me a year ago. I waited early in the morning to be admitted. all this just so that I could walk freely again. I realized that I was a child of God, which inspired me even more
the shame and pain continue
the operation was supposed to cost 5000 euros, and the hip joint – 3000 euros. but a miracle happened – i got a compensated place and a free joint, the kind i would have bought myself. the doctor just decided that. first a replacement joint with cement filling was inserted – the kind they put in older people
it was to test how my body would react to the new structure. it felt like I had an old hip joint: pain when walking, creaking with every step. the leg was still shorter. two more months with this situation, full of shame
I wasn't fully myself
although my whole life has been spent in creativity, business, psychology and social media, something inside has always been wrong. aomething has always been stuck. I asked myself why, and the answer has always been the same – me
I wasn't fully myself
photo from the first photoshoot, when I decided to create social media out of the feeling that I would be who I am
ego death
after my first surgeries, I experienced a kind of ego death. I used to be very critical and often judged others – homeless people, people who were less well-off
but it was really a reflection of how I judged myself internally. during those months, while waiting for my next surgery, I decided to change my life and create it for myself - for who I really am
I didn't want to feel ashamed anymore, I didn't want to pretend or act like something anymore
100% of myself
I started creating social networks, sharing who I am, and being myself. I even started using my Pasvalys/Panevėžys accent, which I had hidden for a long time. in May 2024, I started creating from my essence, as I am
I quickly started to grow on social networks, I was invited to speak on LNK news, I continued to share my story
on May 17th, I had my fourth surgery, during which I was fitted with a mechanical joint for life. this is a joint that is fitted to people who will live. that is why I am living now. I allow myself to live as best I can – most sensitively, most with myself – because that is what life is all about
I have the power
to help you find the strength to unfold more and more every day and reach your greatest potential. I know that stepping into the light is possible. Every small step leads to a big change - and I am here to help you experience that change.
@marijapleire
